Met my gang today. The last saturday of the Month. I don't know why but it felt wrong. Maybe it's just me but it's not like what it used to be.

Secondary three, we tell ourselves "we still go recess together anyway".
yes. That was what that kept us going. The bond between us was even stronger than giant covalent bonds. To think that there was so much we could talk, laugh, share about everything, anything. Our new experiences or our hilarious past when we do weird stuff.

But today, it's like different.
Not everyone will be talking about the same thing. It's like splitted up into even smaller cliques in the small clique. The much smaller cliques talking about different things between themselves. Everyone had different stuff to talk about. And sometimes there will be a tinge of awkward silence.

I don't know if the others felt the same way as me but it's really sad to see the bonds between us get weaker and weaker. There had been so many cases when we witness people drifting apart from their secondary/primary school friends. I'm one of them, who did not keep in touch with my primary school friends and I certainly regretted it. I don't wanna have another regret in life by losing contact with my secondary school friends. Everyone says the same thing. Everyone says "we'll keep in contact." But how many actually really make an effort to keep in touch?

Maybe I should already be contented that at least, we still manage to meet up every once a month and thankfully, we still remember each others birthday. Despite being too caught up with our current lives, I'm glad we still make an effort to give each other small surprises on their special day.

So I must admit that I'm aware of the silent internal conflicts that are present in the clique. But I hope and I believe, as long as we pull through this period, this friendship will get stronger. Yes, there are too many things to worry now. But this friendship will forever be my top priority. Cause without this, is like losing my pillar of support. Who can I turn to when I want to share my sorrows? Who can I turn to when I want to share my joy?

I love my recess gang and don't worry.
I promise I'll never forsake my friends for a guy.

--

Baby, baby
When we first met
I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover
And my best friend
All wrapped into one
With a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden
You went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shot
That spun me around
And now my heart left
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another
The way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize
The ways you hurt me Do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame

And now I feel like, oh
You're the reason
Why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on
These cigarettes no more
I guess this is what I get
For wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
It's not usual like how I'll leave
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Damn, Ain't it crazy
When your love slams?
You'll do anything
For the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me
I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way that I was using you
But now that I know that it's not meant to be
You gotta go
I gotta win myself over you


I swear this lyrics is singing my life.

Yknow, if I were given a choice and if I could turn back time, I'd rather not get to know you at all. Because you're occupying my mind most of the time. Yes, there are sweet moments which gives me the extra happiness but there are more times when I'll be looking at the electronic device waiting for something which may never come.

I'd rather my mind be empty.
Yes, I must win myself over you.

--

Okay, it's the school holidays already. But there's still so many things to do. PW and GSC. All the best to everyone for PW and GSC/Chinese.